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Professor sues Duck athletics over “Go Ducks” Jello vodka jigglers

9/19/2014: Exhibit A, from the docket of the 9th Circuit Court:

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Apparently the instructions failed to explain the proper amount of vodka, and the UO athletics department spokesperson did not answer desperate calls to his burner phone for help. I’ve got a public records request in to Interim GC Doug Park, for docs showing how much noted tobacco company attorneys Sharon Rudnick and Dave Frohnmayer are charging to defend UO against this latest product liability lawsuit.

9/5/2014: Spokesperson Craig Pintens disputes shocking new report of Duck depravity

KGW has an investigative report on the latest scandal, here:

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College football linked to excessive drinking by students? I’m impressed by Mr. Pintens’s ability to maintain his composure in the face of these outrageously defamatory claims from credentialed members of the institutionalized news media. Dave Williford himself couldn’t have done better. No wonder UO pays him more than they pay the average full professor – and a car too:

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  1. Idiots in Charge 09/06/2014

    This is what happens when the marketing arm of an organization is completely divorced from any institutional values or goals other than sales figures.

    Did no one on this campus think that maybe, especially on the heels of a sexual assault scandal, the University should not be in the business of promoting binge drinking?

    We already have the reputation among students and potential students as a non-serious party school. Do we really want to feed that perception?

    Who makes these licensing deals? Who vets them? And what criteria do they use to determine if the UO should do it or not?

    It’s not just Jell-O…..Idiot.

    • Control freak 09/08/2014

      “non-serious party school…”

      I disagree: I think our students are very serious about partying.

  2. What's next? 09/06/2014

    Duck Roofies – as endorsed by the Dana Altman’s Basketball Team!

  3. Publius 09/06/2014

    Agree entirely. Anyone reading the reports about the basketball incident can see that alcohol was a major factor in what went on. This is consistently true in fraternity related cases, by all reports. The athletic department’s own presentation to athletes begins by warning of the dangers related to alcohol.

    But–hey!–there’s money to be made, none of which, I assume, makes it’s way to the academic mission of the university. As the previous post says: who is the idiot in charge of this?

  4. Anonymous 09/06/2014

    I love you, Bill, but please read the article below before piling on the bandwagon calling for head of the “idiot in charge.”

    There are no idiots in the licensing group – just hardworking UO employees like you and me, who care about our university just as much as we do. Please do note that in the Midwest at least everyone assumes that jiggler molds are used as stated on the box, to make Jello jigglers, ingredients: jello powder and H20. The UO is not yet powerful enough to tell Walmart where in their store they cannot or can place this product. Perhaps if the Ducks win today, it will eventually become that powerful, but I doubt it:

    College kids are creative but many are too impatient to wait for Jello to set when they have perfectly good branded shot glasses–and red Solo cups.

    • uomatters Post author | 09/06/2014

      Don’t get me wrong! I certainly can’t watch a football game sober, and I’ve got nothing against the Duck athletic department making a few bucks off drinking paraphernalia. In fact they’d be remiss in their fiduciary obligations were they to leave the jell-o mold niche unfilled.

      Actually some percentage of the jell-o mold revenue does go to the academic side. In fact, licensing revenue is all we get from athletics. Rumor is that the percentage has been shrinking, but at least it’s something to offset the damage the Ducks have done to UO’s brand in recent years.

      I just thought it was amusing the way the reporters pretended to be surprised, and how Pintens pretended to be shocked at the very thought that people would associate Duck jello-o molds with alcohol.

      BTW, if anyone knows how much Lagavulin I should add to the jello for my new molds, please respond ASAP – kickoff is in a few hours.

      • Anonymous 09/06/2014

        LOL – you should get “comment of the week” for that last line, Bill.

    • Publius 09/06/2014

      I’m sorry, when I spoke of the ‘idiots in charge’ I did not mean people just doing their jobs. I assumed people would take it to mean the administration that oversees all of this–now, Silent Scott Coltrane.

      • Anonymous 09/06/2014

        Welp, everything O that’s currently on offer was approved well before the arrival of the Coltrane Administration. That said, I am reasonably certain UO’s licensing decisions are delegated to a coterie of worthy AVPs, not necessarily “across the river,” and definitely not within the provost’s portfolio.

    • Old Grey Mare 09/06/2014

      Yes, and everyone in the midwest spends hours carving miniature peas and grating tiny carrots to fill the tiny molds.

      Oh puhlease. Even in the midwest we all know that these are not meant to make Knox Blox for the Lutheran Church potluck.

  5. Athletic department not attending IAC, so won't have to answer for anything. 09/06/2014

    Bullshit is bullshit, Pittens. You’re public presence has been an embarrassment of late.

    • Anonymous 09/06/2014

      Pardon me, but your slip is showing. (Hint: it is shaped like a misused apostrophe.)

  6. Anonymous 09/06/2014

    you’re a bonafide idiot if you believe that Midwesterners “[assume] that jiggler molds are used as stated on the box, to make Jello jigglers.” or you’re not hardworking enough. no one uses jiggler molds for anything else, especially Midwesterners.

    • Anonymous 09/07/2014

      Look, we’ve arrived. Like the Buckeyes, we “finally have our own jello mold.” My first point is that the UO did not strike some kind of unique deal for this product (see link in my original comment). My other point is that UO already earned its spot as an A-1 party school along ago, and will keep it with or without Jell-O shots. Or haven’t you seen the front lawns packed with kids playing Beer Pong? In my neighborhood, UO students are dragging lawn chairs (and sometimes, couches) onto the roofs of the (former single-family) houses that So-Cal mommy and daddy bought so they can throw house parties south of campus. Talk about bonafide idiots!

      • Idiots 09/07/2014

        None of what you say justifies the “adults” from making money off of that culture.

  7. Anonymous 09/09/2014

    It’s odd that some people seem to think everything is fine because it’s technically possible to make a non-alcoholic jello shot. Well, how about this then?
    There have been signs and billboards all over the place that directly link alcohol and the University. I suppose folks might buy Coors to use as snail bait, but does that really change the point?

  8. Groovy 09/10/2014

    By this time next year, we’ll probably be seeing Duck-branded bongs. How cool will that be?

  9. VictimA 09/19/2014

    I believe they’ll settle this case quick before the class action gets rolling…

  10. Victim B 09/19/2014

    Kickoff is tomorrow at 7:30 PM. Hopes for injunctive relief are fading. Don’t make my party fall back on beer pong, Mr. Pintens – give us your recipe.

  11. Victim C 09/19/2014

    I could have lost my virginity after the Michigan State game if these defective jello shots had worked. Who is in charge of this class action thing? My fraternity bro’s have some phone videos to support my claim.

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