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UO to cut down 23 trees for Hayward Field Folly – naming contest for phallus opens

The RG has the story here. More in the EW here, explaining that the city forester wants to ensure the replacements are more diverse than the current east-coast elite elm monoculture.

No confirmation yet to rumors that the Faculty Advisory Committee will vote to name the new phallus “Slusher’s Schlong”, now that the Bowerman family has declined UO Foundation Pres Paul Weinhold’s offer to call it “The Bowerman Blunt”.

I urge helpful readers to submit alternative names in the comments. I’ll then host a poll, and the creator of the winning proposal will be awarded some appropriately designed University of Nike© paraphernalia.

17 Comments

  1. Dog 05/24/2018

    Come on man,

    that is clearly the Spire of Excellence

    • uomatters Post author | 05/24/2018

      Classy. Maybe too classy.

  2. A duck 05/24/2018

    Is “Barad-dûr” a bit hypebole? Maybe too nerdy of a reference?
    How about “Your tuition must be this high to ride this ride”? Oh, there we go! “Tuition Tower”!

    • dog 05/24/2018

      the tuition tower of excellence …

    • uomatters Post author | 05/25/2018

      You’ve come to the right blog for nerdy hyperbole, friend.

  3. Amy Adams 05/24/2018

    How about simply “The Shaft”…?

  4. UO82 05/24/2018

    Lananna’s Bananna

    • UO82 05/24/2018

      And yes, the spelling was intentional.

      • uomatters Post author | 05/24/2018

        We all know what you meant to say.

  5. XDH 05/24/2018

    I know I’ll take heat for this… but the removal of 23 trees around Hayward warrants the front page of the RG when 23000 or 230000 (or more) trees are seemingly indiscriminately clear-cut annually in Lane County – WTF?!?!? Talk about misplaced priorities… though I do like “Lananna’s Bananna” – hahaha!

  6. Shooed Dog 05/25/2018

    “Uncle Phil’s Erection”

  7. Anonymous 05/27/2018

    Uncle Phall

  8. pbob 05/27/2018

    Pre’s Joint. It will emit a puff of cannabis after every Duck victory.

  9. Texas Guy's Roommate 05/31/2018

    Nike Priapus!

  10. Custos 06/12/2018

    The Spike

    • uomatters Post author | 06/12/2018

      Doesn’t really capture its obscene absurdity.

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