Desperate Willie Taggart calls on UO Senate & Math Prof for coaching help

Duck Football Coach Willie Taggart

UO Math Prof & Senate Pres Chris Sinclair

Things have not gone well for Coach Taggart since arriving at UO. He’s 5-5, and one of those wins was a body-bag game against Southern Utah that cost UO $500,000. He needs to win one of the next two games to get a $25K bonus, and both to get $100K, to top off his $8,000 per calendar day base salary:

Full contract here. Fortunately, UO Senate President and Associate Math Professor Chris Sinclair is an expert on solving problems involving charging the defensive lines. Rumor down at the faculty club is that Taggart has offered Sinclair 50% of any bonus to “guest coach” for the Ducks this weekend. Apparently game-day will start with Sinclair giving the Ducks a locker room seminar on “A Solvable Mixed Charge Ensemble”.

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6 Responses to Desperate Willie Taggart calls on UO Senate & Math Prof for coaching help

  1. Dog says:

    I am going to guess that refereeing standards in the journal UO Matters are much stricter than other journals, which is why this is
    the only journal article ever showcased on UOmatters – Sinclair
    must get an addition 25 points on his h-score now …National Academy selection comes next

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  2. cdsinclair says:

    I regret nothing!

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    • Simplius Simplicissimus says:

      Prof Sinclair – is there such a thing as an “irrationale” charge in math/nature? I heard of irrational numbers … ? I noticed there are lines drawn on a football field and I have observed some irrational charges there, too.

      But I think we have yet to draw rational lines for irrational coach salaries and parachutes.

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      • cdsinclair says:

        Interesting question. It turns out that for my research, the critical quantity is the ratio of charge to temperature. When this number is 1, 2 or 4 (suitably normalized) the ensemble is solvable and we have very explicit knowledge of the statistical properties of the particles. Thus, you can have irrational charges so long as your temperature is selected very carefully. Of course, this is mathematical statistical physics (constrained to one or two dimensions), so in no way represents reality.

        As for the rationality of coach’s salaries, I’d prefer to not comment until I get my first paycheck. (Full disclosure: I got a free hat, two free sandwiches, two free beers and four tickets for my family to attend the game. I also got pictures with Puddles and Wilbur and Wilma Wildcat).

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        • uomatters says:

          Any truth to the rumor that you invited Taggart to be “Senate Pres for the Day” for the upcoming debate on the Student Collective resolution?

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  3. just different says:

    Next week I’d really like to see a solvable two-charge ensemble on a circle. That would shake things up.

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