Shoes too! We are the University of Nike, dot com.

8/18/2013: U of Nike shoes now available from Nike. Click here to order yours before the lawyers find out!

8/9/2013: U of Nike T-shirts now available! Click here to order from CafePress. $4 from each shirt goes to help UO Matters pay UO’s exorbitant public records fees, and maybe buy me a wee dram or two. Now also in Kelly green, by popular demand. Order one of each before Nike’s lawyers shut this down.

8/8/2013 Sweat Shop update: Some commenter – obviously not an economist – suggests I get the University of Nike t-shirts made in China. This is probably a reference to the 2000 Worker’s Rights Consortium fiasco, where UO President Dave Frohnmayer signed UO up with the WRC, which was fighting what they claimed was Nike’s use of “sweat shop labor” in countries like China. Phil Knight famously said Frohnmayer had “shredded the bonds of trust” with him, and he hasn’t given a dime to UO’s academic side since.

Well, the sad truth is that I can’t afford to get these U of Nike shirts made in China. Their economy has been booming ever since they started inviting foreign investments from “sweat shop” companies like Nike. Chinese wages are now so high that I’d have no profits left over to pay President Gottfredson for public records! Here’s some recent data:

The comparator is India, which until recently pursued an idiotic Ghandian policy of economic self reliance. Their people paid the price: still making t-shirts for $1500 a year, while plenty of Chinese are now rich enough to send their kids to the University of Nike for an education. Often in economics.

Hmm, maybe Uncle Phil is smarter, and not quite as evil, as some people think?

8/8/2013 updates: Ian Campbell of the Oregon Daily Emerald has a great piece on the true cost to UO students of the University of Nike’s boring blow-out wins:

The average college student only gets a total of 132 days — Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays — per year to party, which means wasting some of that time watching the Ducks beat Arizona by 49 doesn’t become a high priority after the third quarter ….

This may explain Oregon’s disappointing #20 finish in the prestigious Princeton Review rankings. Although for a more serious take on the connection between big-time college football wins and college grades, read this article by some U of Nike economists.

8/7/2013 update: CSN is now reporting the Sweat Shop cost $138M. UO’s Risk Management Office probably has an exact number, since it must be on our insurance policy by now. Say, I wonder if VPFA Jamie Moffitt is going to make Rob Mullens pay any of the premiums for it? And spokesjock Craig Pintens is not backing off the “We are the U of Nike” statement.

8/6/2013 update: The University of Nike needs a motto for the t-shirts and coffee cups. In Latin, of course. Any suggestions? If you need inspiration, watch the Register Guard’s video below. Thanks to an anon commenter for the link, and to football coach Matt Helfrich for this quote:

“Incredible function the other night, there were about 20 boosters, myself included, crying over the personal nature of, whatever it was”.

 Smells like #2 from here, Coach:

8/6/2013 update: UO finally lets local reporters see inside the new football Sweat Shop. Diane Dietz of the RG takes it as an opportunity to write about UO’s decrepit classrooms, and RG Columnist Bob Welch says:

“And if this is also about coddling athletes — and let’s be honest, it is — then what happens when these young men head out into a world that’s real, not fantasy?

Besides concussion induced brain damage and the chance to try and sue the NCAA to get the rights to their name back, you mean? No wonder Mullens gave SI a week’s lead for their fluff. The letters to the editors attacking this waste of tax-deductible money are also good.

U of Nike’s Jeff Hawkins: 
“… we’re all in this together.” 
Except for the money of course, 
that’s just for the AD and the coaches.
Typical UO classroom in PLC, no AC.
Formica table, to remind students to study hard so they don’t end up living in a trailer while they repay their loans. Chairs were carefully selected to show off the last 120 years of seating technology. Floor is of vintage linoleum, with tastefully exposed rough asbestos edges, and a few missing pieces to represent the required courses that UO doesn’t have room to teach this quarter.

Meanwhile, Gottfredson still hasn’t appointed a committee to implement the May Senate resolution for ending athletic subsidies and getting the jocks to contribute to the academic side. How about taxing these excessive donations to the jocks, and using the money for UO’s academic mission? Unlikely, Kitzhaber is still trying to figure out just how many jock-sniffers to appoint to the UO Board.

8/5/2013: Professor Hawkins wasn’t kidding. Type “” into your browser and see where it takes you. That .com really hurts. Couldn’t we have at least kept the .edu extension? Still no retraction from Hawkins and Mullens, and no comment at all from President Gottfredson.

8/2/2013: Rob Mullens in the NY Times, on the new UO football “Sweat Shop”, as it’s being called around campus:

“People will complain, but this is not excessive,” said Rob Mullens, the university’s athletic director.

Of course it’s not excessive, you deserve it all Rob. We just want you to stop spending tuition money on jock stuff. But our efforts to name this building have come to naught. Instead, the athletic department has decided to rename the entire university:

“We are the University of Nike,” said Jeff Hawkins, the senior associate athletic director of football administration and operations. “We embrace it. We tell that to our recruits.”

Just the sort of publicity that will encourage parents to entrust their kids, and $45K a year, to UO. And it turns out Mr. Hawkins is on the payroll for a $29,500 performance bonus, as faculty. Hmm:

I’m guessing Professor Hawkins will soon issue a heartfelt apology regretting how his remarks were misinterpreted, along the lines of the one UO spokesperson Dave Williford had to make regarding his comments to the NYT back in December 2011. To be followed by another bonus from Dean Rob Mullens.

7/31/2013: Back in 2010 the NY Times reported that the UO students were calling the Jaqua athlete-only tutoring center the “Jock Box”.

OK, maybe that was because I made up the name and then told the reporter that’s what everyone on campus was calling it. The point is that it stuck, and you can see Mullens and the JH admins wince every time they hear it. So, anyone got a good sobriquet for Knight’s latest gift?

There’s the coach’s sous-chef: UO job posting at 

And some more background on this lovely gift, from 11/22/2010:

Oregonian headline: “State board approves Phil Knight-University of Oregon request after Richard Lariviere warns of ‘profound’ consequences”

Ron Bellamy of the RG offers a milquetoast recap of a story reported by Bill Graves and Rachel Bachman in the Oregonian back in June: Phil Knight is building more athletic facilities for UO. As in the past, these tax-deductible gifts will cost taxpayers a bundle. They also require UO to pay for all sorts of silly things – like a “football museum curator” as a condition of the gift. I wonder if the academic side is going to pay that too, like we do the $2 million a year Jock Box operations? Read Bachman for details on how Phil Knight’s consigliere Howard Slusher made Lariviere an offer he couldn’t refuse.

8/3/2013: I’ve got to start the voting for top 5 names soon to get this on the Senate agenda for the next meeting, so comments close Monday. And we could use ideas for the youtube video. Our casting director is searching for the “Go Ducks Nutsack Man”, since he’s already got the sweaty jock-strap. Any recent sightings?

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220 Responses to Shoes too! We are the University of Nike, dot com.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I already saw this somewhere else so can’t take credit nor give credit because I forgot where I saw it. It’s probably even too obvious but also perfect:


    I met a traveller from an antique land
    Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
    Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,
    Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
    And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
    Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
    Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
    The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
    And on the pedestal these words appear:
    “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
    Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
    Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
    The lone and level sands stretch far away.[1]

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hmm … Castel de-Lusion?

  3. Anonymous says:



    personally I like this one instead (not Shelley)

    We are the fools of time and terror. Days
    Steal on us and steal from us; yet we live
    Loathing our life, and dreading still to die.
    In all the days of this detested yoke —
    This heaving burthen, this accursed breath —
    This vital weight upon the struggling heart,
    Which sinks with sorrow, or beats quick with pain 170
    Or joy that ends in agony or faintness —
    In all the days of past and future, for
    In life there is no present, we can number
    How few — how less than few — wherein the soul
    Forbears to pant for death, and yet draws back
    As from a stream in winter, though the chill
    Be but a moment’s. I have one resource
    Still in my science — I can call the dead
    And ask them what it is we dread to be.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dog back on topic

    oh yeah, what to call it

    Club Duck

  5. Anonymous says:

    Gift my ass. His gifts suck.

  6. Anonymous says:


  7. Anonymous says:

    It’s such a horror. “Club duck” isn’t ugly enough.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Be gracious and say thank you.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Temple of Doom

  10. Anonymous says:

    The Jock Scratch.

  11. Anonymous says:

    The Winged Mausoleum

  12. Anonymous says:

    The House that Willie Built

  13. Anonymous says:

    Diva International

  14. Anonymous says:


    Law School


    Knight Fellowships

    Knight Scholarships

    (Also–Stanford GSB/OHSU)

    Yes, this building is obscene, but stop being such haters. Knight *is* a generous person.

    • Anonymous says:

      Phil hasn’t given us anything but Jock Itch lately.

    • Anonymous says:

      And the creeps. That winged black sun logo is increasingly being used in place of the O.

    • Old Grey Mare says:

      Isn’t that the ***hole of a duck flying away?

    • Anonymous says:

      Uhh … I’m not qualified to answer that question.
      Ask UOM. He’s in the know about almost everything!

    • Anonymous says:

      Ooh, I like that one for a name…

      The Jock Itch!

      BTW: If someone has a picture of the Jock Box from the Inside looking out a caption could be:
      Preparing UO athletes for their future,
      behind bars.

      you will get it when you see it

    • Anonymous says:

      I call it stunning and beautiful.

    • Angry old lady says:

      He hasn’t given anything that doesn’t promote his name and/or business while costing the recipient big dollars. I’d like to see him give to the academic side…buildings of classrooms, classy offices for academic, teaching technology, anything to show a balance between real education and sports promotion. But then promoting real education would not bring him the self promotion he so craves and demands for his “gifts”.

    • Anonymous says:

      Angry Old Lady, you don’t know anything about Phil Knight. I’d also like to see a major gift to the academic side (and I think one is coming), but the notion that he “craves” “self promotion” is ludicrous.

    • Anonymous says:

      I just walked around this building and it is absolutely stunning in its design. The fact that this was also designed by a UO alum should be part of the celebration of this gift. And for those carping about the academic side, there has been continual work on renovating our academic buildings (albeit at a slower pace than I would want — please next take down PLC). The thing it clearly points out is that the investment in salaries is not keeping pace — and for that I agree JH is fully responsible and accountable. As for the new center….WOW. If it helps keep the football program at the forefront, brings in dollars that will help pay for the myriad of other sports we have (save acrobatics which is a joke), then I say heartily “Thank you Uncle Phil”.

    • Anonymous says:

      You’re just feeding the empty notion that the more we spend the more we earn. It’s false. Rather, the more they spend, the more we (the academic side) are forced to spend on athletics, the more they spend, the more we (the academic side) are forced to spend on athletics, the more they spend, the more we (the academic side) are forced to spend on athletics, the more they spend, the more we (the academic side) are forced to spend on athletics…. Get the picture?

    • UO Matters says:

      It’s sort of sad that the Duck apologists (paid UO PR people?) like anonymous #2 above realize they need to trash the JH central administration in their comments, if they want any credibility with the UO faculty, staff, and administrators that read this blog.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Speaking of diseases, is Kilkenny still getting free UO health insurance?

  16. Anonymous says:

    The Erection

  17. Anonymous says:

    Phil’s Phallus Palace

  18. Anonymous says:

    Thanks UO Matters for once again insulting one of the biggest donors the UO has. You would rather he give nothing than give to sports. And he has given millions to the academic side. Ask the professors who have received a Knight professorship how they feel about his generosity or the faculty and students in the law school….oh, that’s right, you hate lawyers because they make more money than you do. Is thee ANY donation he has made that you appreciate?

    • Anonymous says:

      You DO have your tiny violin in accompaniment, right?

    • Anonymous says:

      Dog says

      its really most of the commentators that are providing the insults.

      I think its a question of balance. My calculation suggests that 90–95% of all
      gifts to the UO from Knight have been sports related. If that number were
      closer to 70% that would be better. Its mostly the overwhelming amount going
      to athletic facilities instead of academic ones that is providing most of the

    • Anonymous says:

      And the strings attached to said “gifts”.

    • Oryx says:

      One can sincerely appreciate Knight’s academic gifts while also finding these athletic extravagances appalling. They’re not mutually exclusive thoughts. One presumably gives money to support something one feels is worthwhile, and to build things that leave a positive legacy, not to buy the love of you or me. “Uncle Phil” can give to whatever he wants, and that’s great, whether it’s a pleasure palace for football players, or a giant bonfire of dollar bills burning in front of low-income students to taunt them, or a library, or whatever. And we’re free to describe what we see as the good and bad of these sorts of choices.

    • Anonymous says:

      Gifts? These aren’t gifts. They are marketing investments that likely have a fantastic ROI given the tax breaks and goodwill that accrue from them.

      It’s all about the swoosh.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, I’m sure Phil spends a lot of time on UO Matters and is really upset that a few people on a blog think his football monstrosity is not good for the UO. Take a deep breath. He is worth more than 14 billion dollars and started Nike from the ground up. I think he can deal with a bit of criticism. Also, the building is built. He’s spending his money the way he wants and is influencing the UO in ways that meet his interests, values, and priorities. It’s okay if people differ on what’s best for the UO. For most reasonable people it wouldn’t come as a surprise that faculty would prefer that money donated to the UO be used to improve the primary aims of the institution, mainly learning and scholarship. This of course is what they’ve devoted their lives to. In Phil’s case he has spent his life building a multinational corporation that markets, designs, and manufactures sports equipment. And not surprisingly he’s very invested in improving UO’s athletics.

    • Anonymous says:

      Phil’s money is one thing. The behavior of our administrators around Phil’s money is another. The conditions they agree to, the explicit and implicit subsidies they permit just to get their grubby hands on his money? That’s seriously appalling.

      If fans/supporters realized that they also get taxed with higher ticket prices as a result of all this spending, they’d also questions the expenditure. Oregon clearly cares little about education, but they do care about their ticket prices.

    • Anonymous says:

      An increasing percentage of “fans/supporters” either didn’t attend UO or didn’t graduate and they don’t care about academics in the least. It might interfere with their drug of choice–winning.

    • Anonymous says:

      The fact is that Sports Illustrated is doing a story on it. That puts UO on the map just as their winning football team does. As Larriviere once said, “Who cares what the story is about? They are talking about UO on national television.” There is a reason that we are able to attract so many students both in and out of state. Sports actually HELP the University in its efforts to market itself as a great place to be. It is too bad that the academic buildings don’t compare, but they are being slowly improved over time.

    • Anonymous says:

      Oh please, not this tired, old “sports actually help the university” meme again. Sports Illustrated? Wow. Yawn.

      And about ‘who cares what the story is that gets you on the map’? HA! Well, RL learned who cares, and the consequences.

    • Anonymous says:

      This last comment is delusional and produced by drinking too much PR Koolaid. Where are you getting your information that students choose UO because of sports success? The barber shop, perhaps the one in the new football center? There are so many reasons for college choice, spectator sports is minor at best. Of course, if 5000 students fight over who gets to drive a stake in the fake forest after a win, that new “designed tradition,” I will be proved wrong. But, you know they might be actors hired to advance the “tradition.” Since the new fashion is Black, maybe in early September the Autzen crowd will chant over and over – Bring Back Robo-Duck!!!

    • Anonymous says:

      Roger Thompson and others like to attribute some of the increasing enrollment to our winning program. Yet, no analysis has been performed, and the glaringly obvious increase in enrollments everywhere suggests that something else is going on. Admins see what they want to see, bend facts to support their pet projects that fit nicely into their short tenures, before they move on. Nobody checks them, the gullible trust them… yada yada yada.

    • Anonymous says:

      Both Oregon (great football team) and Colorado (one of the all-time worst football teams) have similar out-of-state enrollment. Any simple attempt to control for other factors will demonstrate that football does little for our enrollment.

  19. Chuck Grassley says:

    Tax Deductible Mordor

  20. Anonymous says:

    The PIK (Payment in Kind) Palace. Making a joke out of “amateur sports” since 2013.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Black Box—encompassing the horror

  22. Anonymous says:

    How many armed UO police will be over there guarding this, and who pays?

  23. Anonymous says:

    I’m reminded of that scene in Bombay Wedding with the rich American uncle.

  24. Anonymous says:

    PHIL-anthropic Monstrosity

  25. Anonymous says:

    The Swoosh Shrine

  26. Anonymous says:

    Vanity Village

  27. Anonymous says:

    I think this will be an exercise in how PK can evade prevailing wage laws. As for name “Duck Shack: Eugene’s only 24 hour lap dance palace.”

  28. Anonymous says:

    Village Vainglorious

  29. Anonymous says:

    Nike Plantation

  30. Awesome0 says:

    “Winning” and add a lifesize statue of Charlie Sheen hold his thumb up.

  31. Just not worth it says:

    I was trying to think of what to do with some visiting relatives. How about a football game? Nope, decent seats are $200 each. $1000 for the crew. Apparently winning matters to a lots of rich people with money to burn, but I was happier when we were ranked #30.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Ducks’ Crib

  33. Anonymous says:

    Ducks on the Pond–i.e. an easy target. If nothing else, it’s an easy target for criticism.

  34. Anonymous says:

    The Hatfield-Dowlin Complex aka the Football Performance Center aka The Shrine to Jesus Christ Philip Hampson Knight is quite the feat of football-industrial construction. What people don’t realize is that virtually the entire building is made with materials imported to Oregon by construction firms based outside the state. Phit LLC does not work with architects and local subcontractors because Phil believes they produce inferior work. The only interior piece that was made in Oregon (from what the school has released) is a pool table.

    Couple that with the universities decision to kill off local contractors by heavily restricting product licensing agreements and the University of Oregon becomes a net job killer, costing the state of Oregon hundreds of jobs in construction, garment work, graphics and other areas. Since the University of Oregon has increased tuition well out of the price-range of middle-class Oregonians, the university is now wholly dependent on students from California, Washington and other states to continue to fund operations of the athletic department, under the guise of funding a four-year University.

    In conclusion, Nike is basically treating Oregon like Thailand or another southeast Asian country, getting tax breaks and other benefits from the government while putting wage pressure on the marketplace until it pays the workers what it wants (zero; in this case, the cost of a “college scholarship” to be walking product billboards) while the world outside deteriorates due to poverty, hunger and lack of upward mobility. The end result is that Nike is more profitable than ever, its stock options are worth more and the beast can feed itself in perpetuity.

    • UO Matters says:

      Well sure, but like I said we need two words, and a 30 second youtube. Revise and resubmit.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Quacker Box

    • UO Matters says:

      Quack Crib is the winner so far.

      Anyone know how to trademark a name? I’m figuring I can sell the rights to Phil Knight for enough money to buy public records about the Jock Box and Mac Court subsidies from Randy Geller and Doug Park.

    • Anonymous says:

      Quack House

    • Anonymous says:

      Animal House 2013!

    • UO Matters says:

      Quack House is potentially defamatory. Which is nice. I’ll have to “run it by legal” as they like to say in JH, to make sure.

    • Anonymous says:

      Quack Crib = weak sauce
      It won’t get you where you want to go. Anything “quack” will be determined to be goofy.

    • Anonymous says:

      Where’s the sex in these? Other than the Penn State kind, I mean.

  36. Anonymous says:

    Gladiatorum? A double entrendre here–since Herpes gladiatorum is a very contagious virus spread by athletes. (you can google it)

  37. Anonymous says:

    How about ‘Wet Troglodite Foundry’ or abbreviated: WTF!?

  38. Anonymous says:

    The Academic’s Envy

  39. Anonymous says:

    Duck Star

  40. Anonymous says:

    Quack Shack

    • Anonymous says:

      “We are the University of Nike,” said Jeff Hawkins, the senior associate athletic director of football administration and operations. “We embrace it. We tell that to our recruits.”

      You cannot make this shit up.

    • UO Matters says:

      Thanks for the quotes. I don’t have the stomach to read this NYT story until I get a few more glasses of scotch in my system, so let me know if there’s anything else in it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yeah, a very good idea. Wish I’d saved it to read later. There are some descriptions in there that haven’t yet been reported in the O or the RG and one has to wonder where this ends and how. The only thing I’ll quote is Mullens saying “this isn’t excessive”.

    • Anonymous says:

      I so hope Rob Mullens is taking Mr. Hawkins to “how to do an interview 101” and “things not to say”……Ridiculous.

    • Anonymous says:

      No. His style is to first defend the craziness that his people spew as they pretend to speak on behalf of the university. Remember David Williford’s “Statistics can prove anything” quote?

  41. Anonymous says:

    +1 the Plantation. Nike Community College.

  42. Anonymous says:

    “We are the University of Nike.” WHen they just come out and say it, is it all over? Should we give up? If we tell students to go elsewhere will the University of Nike be doomed? If we are honest with new faculty recruits this year (I plan to be), will be hire the talent we want? Do the admins even care about that anymore?

    • Anonymous says:

      Diplomas read University of Oregon. Does Jeff Hawkins want to change that also to read University of Nike.

  43. Anonymous says:

    Phil-Gotten Heights

  44. Anonymous says:

    Eugene’s Folly

  45. Anonymous says:

    Swoosh Chalet

  46. Anonymous says:

    Bling Box

  47. Anonymous says:

    Swooshie Bar

  48. Anonymous says:

    Shoveler’s Shrine
    (As in Northern Shoveler duck, or whatever)

  49. Anonymous says:

    Phil-Gotten Gains
    (Apologies to previous anonymous poster for the idea)

  50. Old Grey Mare says:

    I gotta say, I love Quack House.

  51. Anonymous says:

    Black Chasm

  52. Anonymous says:

    Phallus Palace wins my vote. And it got the most laughs at a dinner party tonight.

    • Anonymous says:

      This is my favorite. Quack House is just too benign for the monstrosity. Admittedly, it’s hard to use casually in polite conversation. But a Phallus Palace is what it is.

  53. Anonymous says:

    Jocks’ Lair

  54. UO Matters says:

    It’s a tough call. I think it’s going to take a Senate vote to decide. Or maybe a faculty assembly. Meanwhile keep em coming!

  55. Anonymous says:

    Phil paid the Nepalese child laborers who made the rugs in the coach’s office more than the Duck players get.

  56. Jerry says:

    I’m no child molester, but that hot-tub looks like a nice spot for some discreet buggery.

    • Anonymous says:

      It is un-fucking-believable that you would make that comment and that UO Matters does not consider it offensive enough to remove. Evoking innocent children who are victims of terrible crimes in some attempt at humor and insinuating that UO coaches might do similar things is truly beyond belief. If I was a JH administrator I would go to court to take down UOM over this one post alone. It makes me sick to think I might work in the same place as you Jerry and that I do work in the same place as UOM.

    • Anonymous says:

      Have to agree. It should have been removed earlier.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yea, Jerry. Oregon coaches would never do that. We’re so confident that they wouldn’t, that we’re not even thinking about installing cameras in the showers, or checking IDs at the door, or keeping an eye out for strange behavior. Nothing evil is every going to happen at Oregon, because we above such things, having been brought under the wing of Nike, which would also never do such things. We’re awesome and above reproach, just because.

    • Anonymous says:

      What does that have to do with a foul comment?

    • UO Matters says:

      To un-f believable: I appreciate your comments. Former Penn State President Spanier apparently once agreed with them. Now get off my blog.

    • Anonymous says:

      Ha…tit for tat?

    • Anonymous says:

      Un-fucking-believable here: Happy to leave and never return. What a sick and twisted place it is and mind you have. I pity you. Seek help, you need it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Speaking of denial, the day care center at Nike was named after Joe Paterno:

    • Anonymous says:

      And so you’re probably also aware that the Nike worker peeps like to educate their children at the Roman Catholic private schools.

    • Anonymous says:

      Ahhh… that must have been Jim.

    • Louis CK says:

      This guy wants the UO admin to sue UOM over a buggery joke?

  57. Anonymous says:

    KoolAid’s Revenge

  58. Loonatic says:

    How about “The Lusty Drake?”

  59. Anonymous says:

    Quack Stack
    I know, I’m talking Quack again, but I am having a difficult time finding a word rhyming with abomination.
    Domination abomination?

  60. Herman says:

    Another look at college sports-
    “Hirer Education”,

  61. Anonymous says:

    Duck Blind

  62. awesome0 says:

    How about Nike u. They are their own institution after all and we just have a generous exchange relationship.

  63. Anonymous says:

    The Big House

  64. Anonymous says:

    Sweat Shop

    The athletes sweat about getting there, and the people who keep them in luxury work in one.

    • Anonymous says:

      That’s why I think Nike Plantation or The Plantation really speaks to the issue instead of only satirizing. Now that “The University of Nike” has spoken and with a serious intent towards recruits–and not *just* football recruits either–then some thought should be given to the real issues.

    • aweSome0 says:


    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, “Nike Plantation” captures the fundamental inequities of the system in which (mostly) white men profit from the exploited labor of (mostly) young black men. Uncle Phil is the plantation owner, the coaches (and UO President) are plantation overseers, and the players are the hired hands. The uniforms may have improved and the system may have become much more modernized, but a plantation is a plantation.

    • awesome0 says:

      I Say Sweat Shop. It’s Short. It’s AccuRate. Doesn’t Directly Bring RAce Into As A Distracting Issue.aAnd Given Phil Knights Previous Conflict With The Faculty I’m Sure He’ll Love It. Plus We Don’t Come Off As Jealous.

    • Anonymous says:

      Weak mimic, dude.

    • Anonymous says:

      Sweat shop!!! It’s where ‘da money comes from. Exploitive poverty wages in the 3rd world, selling $100 dollar gym shoes stateside. Knight wants the world to know he “just did it”.

    • Karl Marx says:

      I’m no economist, but while you may think yourself too good for Phil’s “sweat shop” jobs, they’ve saved mankind from the idiocy of rural life.

  65. Anonymous says:

    Bengali Sweat Shoppe

  66. Anonymous says:

    Triumph of the Phil.
    Not quite catchy enough to stick but a nice talking point that is a reference to film maker Leni Riefenstahl’s masterful propaganda for the Nuremberg rallies.

    • UO Matters says:

      The Quack House: Triumph of the Phil.

      I like it, but dangerously close to an invocation of Godwin’s law.

    • Anonymous says:

      Good point. I’d hate to close off the conversation. This was a visual image with a handy rhyme. So perhaps other iconic propaganda will come

  67. Anonymous says:

    Serial Box (Phil keeps building)

    Or Quackerjock Box, a prize in every one

    Though I think Quack House or Ye Olde Sweat Shoppe is going to win, the anatomy name will persist in conversation but would be difficult for Youtube.

  68. Anonymous says:

    That’s Frohnmayer on the right, no?

  69. Anonymous says:

    Wow, so now Rudnick has to renegotiate all the “The University of Oregon” articles to say “This is an agreement between the University of Nike and the faculty union?” Seems like that’s worth 1-2% a year.

  70. Awesome0 says:

    I presume we all get dividends or stock options then right? Maybe that’s why there’s no money for raises, a new employee stock program is going to be announced??!!

  71. Anonymous says:

    Time to vote.

  72. Anonymous says:

    On a serious, long term note: how will this latest oblation to sports materialism play out in the long term scheme of what is, still, the University of Oregon?

    I’d like to see some perspective from those who care to see what this “gift” portends. Players and coaches interviewed don’t know what to say about the Bling Plantation as though they’d viewed Cinderella’s castle, shot into a sports field, for the first time. What does this presentation represent to students who will not see this or student-athletes who will use this complex and never, repeat never, see anything like it again?

    It appears the self-absorbed emperor is shooting his last wad in hopes others will follow his ideals to his personal ends. It reminds me of those insecure kids in school who have just the right extreme presents for their curried “best friends”.

  73. Anonymous says:

    I wish Rob Mullens and the other admins cared about public opinion. They’re getting torn to shit in the RG today. Loving it!

  74. Awesome0 says:

    Does anyone else not recognize the systemic risk. You tie your University so closely to sports, what happens if sports goes down the tubes. Or if a scandal happens (which they will). Talk about putting all your eggs into one basket (and we don’t even know if that basket does anything positive, the best evidence suggests very small positive effects).

    • UO Matters says:

      Time to drop baseball and add something cheaper, like beach volleyball?

    • Anonymous says:

      Dog to Awesome0

      Identifying a single university in the US that has every suffered the downside consequences of this systematic risk. Yes, the potential is there, but in practice Universities don’t unduly suffer. Take the horrible incidents at Penn State – the University is still functioning (well, in fact).

      Students will still come to the UO, independent of the ranking of the football team. Classes will still be taught – yes in suckass classrooms, but they will
      still be taught. Faculty will still be underpaid. The UO –> UN machine will still give degrees.

      The only suffering, I think, comes if the UO athletics program were *heavily*
      subsidized by the academic side and this is not the case here.

    • UO Matters says:

      Why should an athletic program with this sort of money to burn be hitting up the academic side for *any* subsidies? The hidden subsidies at UO are o the order of $5 million a year. The difference between the union and admin salary proposals is only $6M a year.

    • Anonymous says:

      That’s the part of “gifting” that has never made any sense to me. If someone goes to the lengths of leasing property, building without care to cost and “gifting” it back, then why make the UO pay maintenance and to his specifications? Why ask for tutor subsidies? While watching the state education dollars dwindle, why NOT just gift a little more and make sure it’s all done to the emperor’s liking? It leads one to see more than a little vindictiveness behind the “gifts”.

    • Awesome0 says:

      Awesome0 to Dog.

      Penn State will pay 100’s of millions in lawsuit damages when it is all said and done. UC Boulder had to millions because due to sexual violence on its team. Just wait until the lawsuits from the players come for the head injuries. I think the point of systemic risk is what do we do if the whole system of college football goes down the tubes because of issues like violence (Aaron Hernandez appears to have been involved in murders while being recruited at U Florida which they swept under the rug), corruption, and injuries to players resulting in class action lawsuits.

    • Anonymous says:


      1. I agree there should be no subsidies at all, that’s why I used the term “heavy”

      2. I am aware of the Penn State, Ohio State, Miami, etc law suit issue but
      that’s not going to impact the institutions very much – there are many laundering schemes available for that, potential donor bail out, legal delays, etc – the point is that its not going to come out of the operating
      budget for the institution. Now if that happened, then that would be payback for the systematic risk.

    • UO Matters says:

      So this is why Jamie Moffitt can’t pay the faculty – she’s accumulating reserves for football lawsuits, over in the academic budget.

      Is UO insured against these risks? What’s the policy limit? Do the students have to pay those premiums too?

    • Anonymous says:


      if Moffit were really doing this – she should be jailed. This won’t happen – there is insurance (I don’t know the details) and there are donors that will
      bail student athletes out of jail and bail our program our of lawsuit land
      if we ever get there. As far as I can tell (and most of this comes from ESPN investigative reporting and yes Bellotti still works there)

      a) The UO excessive lavishness on athletic facilities draw national attention and subjects us to ridicule and ire – no lawsuits there

      b) The UO is engaged in the same set of NCAA violations involving recruiting that almost every other top 25 school is involved in.

      c) The arrest rate at the UO is smaller compared to other schools. Most of our football players are not arrested. see

    • Anonymous says:

      The IAC has asked the AD about the insurance issue. We got nothing. Not even on their radar. (Why should it be when Moffitt and Gottfredson are in office, ready to bail them out?)

    • awesome0 says:

      Systemic means shared. That means everybody is doing it isn’t the answer, its the underlying problem.

  75. Awesome0 says:

    I don’t the AD was looking at $$, they couldn’t take their eyes off of other assets.

  76. Anonymous says:

    Can’t . . . Stop. . Sobriqueting:

    Run-Amok Lounge

    Philistine Funhouse

  77. Anonymous says:

    I’d love a classroom as nice as that one in PLC. My PLC classroom is far worse.

  78. “Type “” into your browser and see where it takes you.” A quick whois check shows that the domain was only created on 8/3/13. Clearly, someone is trying to make a joke.

  79. “7/31/2013: Back in 2010 the NY Times reported that the UO students were calling the Jaqua athlete-only tutoring center the “Jock Box”.

    OK, maybe that was because I made up the name and then told the reporter that’s what everyone on campus was calling it”

    Hmmm. So, you are admitting that you are a liar and fabricated information for a journalist? That’s an interesting move….

  80. Anonymous says:

    My fantasy: UO sells the whole athletic franchise to Phil Knight and he takes it pro. UO becomes a university instead of a sports venue, and the millions we get from selling it endow a special fund that can only be used for raises for faculty (and maybe staff), or only be used to rehab our dying classrooms. Maybe we could keep the price below $100 million in return for some cheap student tickets.

  81. Juvenal says:

    Mens insana in corpore sano

  82. Anonymous says:

    I came in too late on this naming effort, but the suggestions are hilarious….
    Phallus Palace & Swoosh Shrine are good… I’ll throw two name suggestions out just for fun….

    • Excessive √

    (the checkmark is a mock Swoosh) Clearly throwback re the “Mullens saying “this isn’t excessive”, remark.

    • Nikeville

  83. Anonymous says:

    Ok students and faculty, time for our own promo video highlighting the luxurious accommodations of some of our finest offices and classrooms. Upload to YouTube and post links here. Surely there’s an ass-splasher in the bathrooms in PLC.

    How can Gottfredson and his minions be so fucking tone-deaf on the heels of continued tuition increases, lagging faculty salaries and millions in overdue building maintenance costs. All this excess and not one word from our “leader” on how this reconciles with all that. The jury vote is in – Gottfredson is a major fail with a hand up his ass working his mouth.

    • Anonymous says:

      That last line is classic. Can someone with an artistic bent put a picture of that on a button?

  84. Anonymous says:

    Please tell me Helfrich didn’t just say, “… how they treat their students, not just their student athletes.” Surely not.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, that line was the real jaw-dropper. I suppose he means that it’s a gift to the non-football students just to be able to look at the building and know what an awesome experience the team is having here at UO.

    • Anonymous says:

      They already see their experience up close as they sit beside them struggling through course work, waiting for their private tutors to do the work.

  85. Awesome0 says:

    finis coronat opus

  86. Anonymous says:

    minus quam cerebro capita

  87. Anonymous says:

    “Id tantum fac”!
    = “Just fuck it” – ooops, sorry (!!!) I guess that Freudian slip was also my one-cuss-word allowance. Of course I meant “Just do it”….

  88. Anonymous says:

    I love the name “ass splasher” for the fanny showers they have in the toilets! Yes! You need a professional grade tour de ruins of the “historic”/rustic/neglected/downright funk of the facilities– maybe titled “Excessive”???
    By the way, I first liked Phallus Palace for a roaring laughter response, but now the “Sweat Shop” is starting to sink in as being a higher level of snark & the double entendre of Uncle Phil’s source of wealth. I stumbled upon this remark which nails it, in my opinion.

    ” The real problem, which is rarely mentioned, is the source of the millions Phil Knight has bestowed upon the University of Oregon. Workers in Bangladesh earn $36 a month, workers in Cambodia $80 a month, in both cases working long hours producing hundreds or thousands of Nike garments that sell for exponentially more per item! This is exploitation that goes beyond reason, keeping workers in poverty while rewarding Phil Knight (and through him Oregon football) with millions. Did Phil Knight “earn” these millions? Isn’t he responsible for the poverty of the workers that produce his wealth?”

    Why does the word “Excessive” keep surfacing?

    Why should so many sweat shop workers live in poverty, so some college football kid can have an ass splashing toilet?? I would think wiping one’s own ass, should be a skill worthy of any Mighty Duck.

    Well, at least the lockers are large enough to cram a freshman player in as a prank…. the kid would have fresh circulated air & a magic shelf that requires no plug in to charge up an i pad or cell phone. Maybe even put in a call to the Souse chef or juice bar clerk to bring something up?? Life’s good there @ the Sweat shop.

    • Anonymous says:

      $36 a month is $36 a month more than our footballers take home. The NCAA is a Sweat Shop like no other.

  89. Anonymous says:

    Satis nikae sapientiae parum

    • UO Matters says:

      Can you classicists start posting translations too? I only know the dirty words.

    • Anonymous says:

      Sallust famously said “Satis eloquentiæ sapientiæ parum”–Enough eloquence, little wisdom… My spin: “Enough Nike, littl wisdom”

  90. Anonymous says:

    Some news and new quotes for you:

    And Pintens? Full of PR crap, as usual. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

  91. UO Matters says:

    Thanks, posted.

  92. Anonymous says:

    Where are the t-shirts? I read about the University of Nike in the NYT and googled it but there are no t-shirts. Is it a real university?

  93. Old Grey Mare says:

    How about moles non agitat mentem, “the mass (or large building) does not stir the mind”? Or leave out the non just to show that the tail is wagging the dog.

  94. Anonymous says:

    The BBC reports (

    A luxury toilet controlled by a smartphone app is vulnerable to attack, according to security experts.

    Retailing for up to $5,686 (£3,821), the … toilet uses bluetooth to receive instructions via the app, but the Pin code for every model is hardwired …

    “An attacker could simply download the My Satis application and use it to cause the toilet to repeatedly flush, raising the water usage and therefore utility cost to its owner,” it says in its report.

    “Attackers could [also] cause the unit to unexpectedly open/close the lid, activate bidet or air-dry functions, causing discomfort or distress to [the] user.”

  95. Praecipitium Harris says:

    We smoked it all. Nos fumabat omnes stercore, according to google translate. (Loosely, since I’m not sure if latin cuss words count against my quota).

  96. Anonymous says:

    Maybe add “Property of …”?

  97. Not a classicist but... says:

    Stop the presses! The Latin is wrong.
    “We smoked it all” would be “Fumabamus omnia” or “Omnia fumabamus”

    • Anonymous says:

      Correct, Nos (we = first person plural) and the ending -bat (third-person singular imperfect active indicative of fumare) do not match. -bamus is the correct third person plural. Indicative and Imperfect, of course, just as we human beings all are …

      someone mentioned adding the Nike Swooosh. Couldn’t the swooosh take the shape of a Cannabis leaf? a burnt one preferably?

  98. Anonymous says:

    This quote, from Campbell’s article, shows the warped, self serving mindset of college athletics at the bigger schools:
    “In an effort to face the issues at hand, former ASUO Athletics Commissioner Katherine DuPont polled 595 students gauging interest in penalizing students who leave before the end of the 3rd quarter of football games.”

    Penalizing students for exercising freedom by, gasp, leaving a game early?? What are they going to do–lock them in? Attempt to record which student leaves and when? Alienate the students in general so they don’t even show up for the first half??! Heaven forbid a person acts upon the impulsive thought there might be something much better to do with their time.

    Shazam, Batman, it’s worse than we thought.

  99. Awesome0 says:

    Add a made in china logo to it please and you have one more buyer.

    • Anonymous says:

      Dog says

      that looks like a Cafepress designed tee shirt.
      Try to add a perverted Nike Swoosh to it – If I could upload an image here
      I would show you an example but this blog doesn’t have that capability –
      probably a good thing otherwise people would post even more crap here –
      still my photoshopped FuckTard Crossing sign in front of Johnson Hall
      would be a nice addition …

    • Anonymous says:

      Will Cafepress sell University of Nike bongs too? I’m just asking because a friend wanted to know.

  100. Anonymous says:

    No offense, professor, but the tshirt should be slim fit and Dry-FIT…

    … and an “STD” for “Smoke the Day” on the back (yes, the double-meaning is intended).

  101. Old Grey Mare says:

    Id omne fumavimus

    comes closest for the Latin.

  102. Anonymous says:

    Money Moves Mountains


    The Sweat Shop Lady
    Please vote for my entry in the naming contest! No shame…..wait, that’s another good t-shirt logo!

  103. Anonymous says:

    Id omne fumavimus.

  104. Anonymous says:

    So where are our t-shirts already? You call this a University? Sheesh.

  105. Anonymous says:

    “$4 from each shirt goes to help UO Matters pay UO’s exorbitant public records fees.”

    How about a full breakdown of the cost per shirt and where ALL the $$ goes? You know for transparency so we know you aren’t skimming off the top to buy the scotch.

    • UO Matters says:

      This comment merits public censure. Obtaining public records from Geller requires money and a few stiff drinks. It’s a Leontief production function. You’ll be hearing from my legal department, as soon as I get enough money to send them a nice bottle.

  106. Anonymous says:

    “$4 from each shirt goes to help UO Matters pay UO’s exorbitant public records fees.”

    In the interest of transparency,breakdown of where the rest of the $$ goes, so we know you aren’t just buying scotch.

  107. Anonymous says:

    Slogan for the tee shirt/sweat shop: Deodorant is Optional

    This is Eugene, after all.

  108. Anonymous says:

    A late suggestion for a new motto, in tribute to the University’s former motto:

    Penis agitat canem

    “The tail wags the dog,” more or less.

  109. Anonymous says:

    Sweat Shop Lady tries again:

    If my Latin translator is correct:

    Bonum est cupiditas

    It has several meanings, and rolls off the tongue.

  110. Anonymous says:

    Check it out:

    After dissing the local media, NOW they want their “metaphoric explanation”, attempted CYA, published asap.

  111. Anonymous says:

    Wow. Shoes too? Impressive.

  112. Anonymous says:

    Has anyone yet heard Gottfredson speak to this “University of Nike” issue? At all?

    • Anonymous says:

      Has anyone yet heard Gottfredson speak to any issue with substance? No. He’s a walking press release ever since he tried an open meeting with faculty and failed miserably. Since then, nothing but press releases with empty rhetoric.

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