Jim Bean’s memo on Gottfredson’s investiture planning

5/23/2013: An anonymous source in the Provost’s office sends this memo about Gottfredson’s investiture ceremony:

Memo: Investiture Contingency Planning
Date: 5/23/2013
From: Provost Jim Bean
To: President Mike Gottfredson

Mike, I’m starting to worry about faculty turnout for your Knight Arena Investiture Ceremony next Thursday. I’ve warned the department heads that we’ll be taking attendance, but they don’t seem to care anymore, even when I dropped a hint that those 2% merit raises you put on the table might be at risk. It’s a big hall, and we need enough appropriately garbed faculty types in the audience to keep this from turning into another embarrassment for you.

President Lariviere had a huge faculty turnout for his investiture, in no small part because he’d just fired a widely despised General Counsel, and an Athletic Director who was burning through the academic side’s money like, well, like it was the academic side’s money. Something to think about. But if you’re not quite there yet I hope you’ll be happy with the ELT’s plan B:

VPAA Doug Blandy will grant all Duck student-athletes PhD’s and adjunct faculty status. They just need to pass a simple online exam he wrote. The Jock Box advisors say they can help out as usual, since it’s not even proctored. Mullens has cleared this with FAR Jim O’Fallon, who says that adjunct status won’t affect their NCAA eligibility so long as we don’t pay them. As if!  (Say, this gives me a great idea for if the faculty go on strike.)

I got a deal on academic regalia from “Parties R Us”. The media will want a few full-professor greybeard types to focus on. I’ve lined up Frog, the guy who sells joke books on 13th – you’ve seen him, looks just like a biology professor. And then there’s the guy who bikes around campus yelling “Go Ducks, but LTD can kiss my sweaty nut-sack.” Turns out you were wrong about him being CAS Dean Scott Coltrane, but no one will know the difference. Best to keep him away from the mic though.

Dave Hubin tells me you’ve signed off on the heartfelt extemporaneous comments that Ann Wiens and the Gallatin Public Affairs consultants wrote. It took me a while to find a professor willing to deliver these. Tublitz is in Italy, and while Harbaugh was plenty interested after I brought up the stipend, it’s hard to hear him when he’s sober. In the end Frank Stahl agreed to do it. I think you’ve met him, very distinguished and his voice carries well.

Oh, one last thing – I’m afraid I won’t be able to make the ceremony. The Caddis fly hatch is peaking, and I’ve got a fishing date with John Moseley over at the lodge in Bend.

Good luck though, really.

Jim.

5/30/2013: UO student groups plan protest at investiture. Letter to Gottfredson.

5/30/2013: If anyone goes to this or the after-party, please send me a few notes and/or photos, thanks.

5/29/2013: Betsy Hammond of the Oregonian tries to figure out who Gottfredson is, with no success:

Gottfredson and his mild-mannered willingness to craft rules for independent boards that would help Portland State and Oregon State, too — and minimize any harm to the smaller regional universities — get partial credit for the idea’s smooth sailing so far.

He didn’t handle matters deftly with the faculty, however, says Gordon Sayre, an English professor and member of the Faculty Senate. Many worried a new UO board would try to wrest power from the faculty. Only last week did Gottfredson provide strong written assurance that won’t happen.

Promises from him, which he knows the new board will be able to break, unless they go in the legislation or the contract. Both of which he adamantly opposes. And he still will not answer questions about the UO Board and public records and meetings law.

5/29/2013: The ODE reports scalpers are charging UO students as much as $220 for a ticket to President Gottfredson’s sold-out Matt Court investiture tomorrow.

5/28/2013: Around the 0 announces OUS Board Chair Matt Donegan has agreed to join Frog on the stage. I’d say it’s Donegan’s first time on the UO campus, but Matt Court technically doesn’t count as campus.

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11 Responses to Jim Bean’s memo on Gottfredson’s investiture planning

  1. Anonymous says:

    LOL, really.

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  2. Oryx says:

    Awesome!

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  3. Anonymous says:

    Hilarious!

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    • UO Matters says:

      Yeah, who knew Jim had such a wicked sense of humor. I’ll miss the guy.

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  4. Anonymous says:

    I hear Gottfredson is going to postpone the Investiture, saying he’s just to busy working up in Salem with the boosters to get their Trustee bill through. And he doesn’t really need a ceremony, since the Union is going to have to enshrine him as “The University” in the CBA, which will make it official.

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  5. Anonymous says:

    I will never again look at Frog or (a certain subset of) our Biology colleagues without laughing….

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  6. Anonymous says:

    I see Bean’s actually on the program. Bets on whether or not Gottfredson will announce his teaching assignments?

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  7. Anonymous says:

    Sold out my ass. I have heard of many presidents sending representatives in their places. I gather that’s the done thing? Nobody actually wants to be there, I imagine.

    I hope the protests go well.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    Will Frohnmayer show? Hope not, tomatoes are so far from ripe.

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  9. Old Man says:

    UOM writes that President Gottfredson is “adamantly opposed” to legislation that would protect the UO Constitution. I have noted the President’s failure to support such legislation but have found no public expression of “adamant opposition.” Either way, opposed or indifferent, his failure to secure meaningful shared governance by seeking an amendment of SB270 to include protection of our Constitution is a blemish on his presidency. I can’t imagine why such an amendment would be opposed by the Oregon Senate, and it may not be too late for President Gottfredson to make a meaningful move that would unite the campus. Why doesn’t he Just Do It?

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  10. Anonymous says:

    Fantastic piece! Sounds so real….

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